20 Methods to Annoy or Ignore Suzushiro Haruka
by corporalredhound
Summary: Here is a complete list for either ignoring or jeering at our favorite goldilocks from Mai-Hime! This fic has Haruka-bashing so no flames plz! I hope you all enjoy this one!
1. 20 Haruka bashings pt1

20 Methods to Annoy and Ignore Suzushiro Haruka

Here's a fic I created just to be blunt about our favorite goldilocks from Mai-Hime. I know I don't like her much in the series of how she feels about Shizuru and what she did to her later on, but I just had to experiment on ways to torment the blonde in a funny way. So please don't flame me, Haruka fans, I just want to try something funny in this one!

Disclaimer: I don't own Mai Hime. They belong to Sunrise, but if I did then I would have Shizuru all to myself and have her "make special friends" with other girls from other anime(Hehehe!). Plus, I don't own anything else mentioned that are not MH-related, like Star Wars, Halo, Gears of War and others.

Tell Haruka that she forgot to set the alarm clock at the exact time to wake up before sleeping. That's why she's mostly late for school even though she's absentminded of everything around her.

Let her know that Fujino "Bubuzuke" Shizuru will always stay number one on top and she'll always be second best.

Ask her if she's really attractive to Shizuru personally. That way, the chestnut-haired will be having lustful rides of herself at night thinking of her passionately, even a picture of Haruka herself besides Natsuki.

Since Haruka's homophobic(as far as I think), terrorize her with dirty lesbian jokes and put on a puppet show of two anime girl figures having exhibition oral sex in front of her. That way, she'll faint from the fallout of it.

Tell Haruka she's the great descendant of Napoleon Bonaparte because they both have loud inflated egos.

Go to Haruka's mansion in the evening. Sneak inside her room quietly and put a lot of used bubblegum all over her goldilocks hair while she's asleep.

And addition of her being asleep, pull out a sharpie black marker and draw cute animal features on her sleepy face, maybe even a panda one on her.

Tell Haruka she needs to take classes from preschool to high school again because of her lousy mispronounced vocabulary even though she thinks she said those words correctly. Okay, maybe even have her take her alphabets for her to start.

While inside the student council room and nobody is there, quickly put dirty strands of cat and dog hair in her tea. Once she comes back and drinks it during break, wait until she yells out in horror of the smell of the tea of said "ingredients" you already put in.

Let Haruka know that if she keeps being a total, ignorant jerk that she is, her voice will change to Darth Vader one day.

Shout at her from afar saying, "You'll always be second best."

Whenever you see portraits of Haruka in her mansion, paint weird expressions and animal ones like you did in method #6.

If Haruka thinks of what she saw in that rock garden house where she assumed of what Shizuru did to Natsuki that night, tell her it was either someone who exactly looks like Shizuru or that her brain was made out of lego blocks.

If she ever is in your face or storms your personal business, be ready to load up tranquilizers in your pistol. They might come in handy shooting those at her, that way she'll shut up and will fall asleep very quickly for 10 hours.

Play Scottish bagpipes very loudly outside her mansion to wake her up very quickly to get to class just in case she doesn't have her alarm clock ready to sound off.

Get Master Chief to intimidate her by having him use live ammunition and shooting them beside her face. That way, he's proven himself that he's not scared of some arrogant, whiny goldilocks.

Get Marcus Fenix to intimidate her with said procedure just like Master Chief's.

Let Haruka know that Yukino is going out with Shizuru, and that she likes Shizuru more than her annoying self.

Also let Haruka know that Shizuru is always better than her and that the kaichou will have Yukino all to herself.

And finally, when Haruka walks around the hallways afterschool, and if she's walking alone get a paper and write, "I eat raw rat's hair sashimi with horse urine for breakfast ,lunch and dinner" in kanji. That way, she'll not only get snickers but lots of laughs of everyone around the campus wherever she walks with said paper on her back without knowing it.

**Omake**:

**Haruka:** "HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME WITH THOSE DISGUSTING WAYS?! I never liked bubuzuke, not even an eternity!!

**Corporalredhound:** "For being a total jerk that you are. And yes, you really have the hots for her!

**Haruka:** "Hmph, you are wrong I'm not a lesbian and you are the jerk around here being all so assertive of what you think of me. I am the great Suzushiro Haruka and I'll never be number 2 to any-

Corporalredhound takes out tape and rope to tie up Haruka. Haruka is now trap of said tape and rope.

**Corporalredhound:** Shut your trap goldilocks, and go to sleep.

Corporalredhound pulls out pistol and shoots sedatives on Haruka putting her to sleep.

A/N: That was a funny nice fic, isn't it? I hope you enjoyed this guilty pleasure of a fic making fun of our beloved arrogant blonde that is Suzushiro Haruka! Please R&R and thanks!


	2. 20 Haruka bashings pt2

20 Methods to Annoy or Ignore Suzushiro Haruka Pt. 2

I appreciate the recent reviews I have gotten so far, even some were negative on my view about Haruka from the last chapter. Despite that, I'll continue with pt.2 for more Haruka-bashing goodness. Oh, and if any of you is offended of this fic about how I handle Haruka then don't read. Anyway, hope you all enjoy this next chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own Mai-Hime, or any other property they belong to Sunrise and anybody else except me. It's the same disclaimer I posted on last chapter.

1. Since Haruka thinks she can face anything and anywhere, have her eat 2000 pieces of sausages full of high cholesterol. Let's see how brave she is swallowing all that fat down.

2. Have her go on a tightrope walking between 2 tall skyscrapers above 8000 ft. And that would include 2 Empire State buildings.

3. Get Vanessa from King of Fighters to sock her in the face on purpose. And after she apologizes to Haruka of doing that, tell Haruka that she hit her because there was a mosquito on her face.

4. When you see Haruka cross the street, scare her to death by trying to run her over with your sports car. And tell the cops that it was just an "accident."

5. Tell Haruka that if she one day has a fight with Elton John just because he's a homosexual, let her know that Elton will always win because he'll hang her upside down with the rainbow flag, and he'll sing to her, "That's why you always get the blues."

6. If Haruka was an android like those 12 sisters from Coyote Ragtime Show, blow up her whole body until her head remains and place her head on a desk, since she always wanted to be student council president let her be HEAD of the committee.

7. When inside Haruka's mansion, spike her food with dog poop covered with sweetened sauces and when she eats of said ingredients with the meal she's eating, she'll eventually throw up and get food poisoning.

8. Make Haruka eat dozens of pig slop in the farm, and that would also include pig sanitary waste.

9. In case you have any magical powers, make Haruka disappear into the PS3 and have her there imprisoned there to be your own interface whenever you turn on the PS3 or Xbox 360. Or have her be shot in shooting games when you play FPS like Call of Duty.

10. Make Haruka stand on all fours and make her back useful to hold all of your game consoles-including your PS3, WII, and Xbox 360.

11. Back to the android part, if Haruka is one then set her audio program to change her voice to sound like either Darth Vader or Kratos.

12. Make Haruka face Akuma from Street Fighter. And let's see if she can survive his "murderous intent" or more familiar, the Raging Demon.

13. Make Haruka go to Fuka campus everyday wearing a two piece bikini. That way, it will have the student council president Shizuru get turned on for the whole time and have ms. Goldilocks arrested by the cops for indecent exposure.

14. Ask Haruka if she was born mentally retarded.

15. Since Haruka proclaims herself being "fearless leader." Have her defend a fort in 1920s Morocco for the French Foreign Legion all by herself against an armed force of about 20,000 Arab tribesmen charging against her, all alone in the fort. Let's see if she can overcome that ALL ALONE!!

16. Get Haruka exiled from Japan and have her work in a Las Vegas night club so she can be forced to entertain a bunch of dirty old men.

17. Get the whole yuri legionnaires(fanboy and fangirls) to gang up on Haruka for destroying large amounds of yuri fandom including fanart, fanfiction, doujinshi and other related items regarding yuri and shoujo ai.

18. If Haruka wants to travel abroad, have her just row a boat all by herself to other countries in vast oceans instead of a plane or cruise line.

19. Have Haruka hang upside down from a tree with her hands behind her back and start throwing dog and cow poop at her.

20. And finally again on the android head part, if Haruka's head only remains then place her head on top of a remote control car and tape said head on the roof of it. In doing that, control the car with Haruka's head attached to it and you'll see how you can drive her crazy!

Omake:

**Corporalredhound:** "Well, all's well that ends well. I really did take it down a notch, right goldilocks?"

**Haruka:** "My life is ruined, what the bell have you done to me?!"

**Corporalredhound:** "You mean 'hell' Haruka. Geez, you really need to take 1st grade vocabulary again! It's like you were born illiterate or something. Are one of your relatives illiterate too?"

**Haruka:** "No! And rebrain from all of these disgusting comments NOW!!"

**Corporalredhound:** "No way Carrie Prejean. I'm sticking by my own rights to bash you. I have a license to do that!

Corporalredhound pulls out pistol and loads tranquilizers. And aims straight at Haruka.

Haruka: "What are you doing? I'll get my parents to call the cows at you for that!"

**Corporalredhound:** "You mean cops…" Geez, sleep already!!"

He then shoots at Haruka on the arm as she now falls down on the floor and falls asleep like a tired horse.

**A/N:** Okay, this is again another 20 ways to do something about that annoying goldilocks. I know I had some methods taken down a notch and some too far for her, but that's just the way I feel about Haruka PERIOD(not unless she change her attitude and character)! Well, thanks for reading and please R&R for I'll have more chaps soon!


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